Making Assumptions about my Fellow Passengers

Editorial Note: I wrote this in June of 2012, while waiting on a delayed flight in the Phoenix airport. I wish I had written more of these.

Since I have once again been delayed on my flight, I thought I would pass the time by imagining the back story for some of the more outstanding passengers in the terminal with me.

First up: The middle aged man in the XFL tshirt.

I can only assume that this passenger discovered time travel sometime in early 2001. Wanting to make sure he fit in with people from our when, he donned what he could only assume would be the most celebrated sport in America.

Now he sits by himself in an over-crowded airport, all of his carryon liquids confiscated in their dangerous 3.5+ oz bottles. He is confused by the people milling about, completely engrossed in what appears to be a phone, but can’t be, because these phones have no keypads. How do these future humans make calls without a keypad?

Finally, his plane arrives, and he is herded onto the plane with the rest of the passengers. Last to board, he finds the only available seat and sits, smashed between a sailor from San Diego and a obese grandmother from rural Oregon, flying to visit her son and daughter-in-law. As he takes off into this strange, new world, Jeanne, the obese grandmother begins what will turn out to be a three and a half hour monologue describing her cat fashion photography hobby she hopes to turn into a successful online business.